Poetry – Alex M. Griffin

alexegesis

To the one that I love: Happy six months. I can h

To the one that I love:

Happy six months. I can hardly believe that I've known you for so little time, because our love has enriched my life beyond words. Your love transforms even the most mundane things: homework, laundry, and grocery trips glisten with magic. Praying with you is one of my favorite things in the whole world. When we sing, when we hold hands, when we dream of our future, it becomes obvious that we were made for one another. We fit together perfectly.

You've taught me that I am strong.
You've inspired me to be brave.
You're the reason that every day is a dream come true.

I can't stop talking about you, can't stop thinking about you, and I never want to stop holding your hand. So here's to the first six months of a love that I pray will last forever.

|Big Announcement| Some of you may have already se

|Big Announcement|
Some of you may have already seen this, but I wanted to announce it officially: I was accepted to Montreal Diocesan Theological College, and (immigration pending), I’m moving to Montreal this fall to start my Master’s of Divinity! I’m incredibly excited and unbelievably terrified!
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#thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #faithfullylgbt

FYI this is not an announcement of any kind. Just

FYI this is not an announcement of any kind. Just an old poem I didn’t have the courage to post when I wrote it.
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#thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #faithfullylgbt

#faithfullylgbt #poetsofinstagram #christianpoetry

#faithfullylgbt #poetsofinstagram #christianpoetry #thepoetspost #writersofinstagram #poetryPRIDE #lgbtpoetry

I used to take a day off every week to do nothing

I used to take a day off every week to do nothing and rest. Then, I graduated from college, and I fell out of the habit.
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But even when I don’t rest on purpose, I wind up having days when I don’t do anything because I’m exhausted. I often feel guilty for resting, but today I’m choosing to rest and enjoy it. My body needs it.
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#poetsofinstagram #thepoetspost #rest #selfcare

This is a #repost of an old poem from September 20

This is a #repost of an old poem from September 2018, but now I can talk about what it means.
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I wrote this poem the day that I figured out that I was gay. One of the things nobody tells you about being an #enneagram 3 wing 4 is that the façade you project is first and foremost a façade you project to yourself. And in fact, sometimes it’s easier to see the cracks in that façade with a little distance.
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Often times, when I’m in peak lying-to-myself mode, everyone else figures out the lie I’m telling myself before I do. And that’s where this poem came from.
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Before I figured it out, a large contingent of the people closest to me had already suspected that I was gay. And if I could search out the answers to my self-actualization like a game, asking everyone around me for clues, I would. But part of what I’ve been learning is that growth comes from within. Nobody else can tell me the answers, and even if they did, I wouldn’t believe them.
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So here’s to the journey of learning to find my heart—not in the faces around me, but beating in my chest.
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#thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #faithfullylgbt #lgbtpoetry #enneagram3 #pride

I wrote a #unicornstore fan poem last week that I

I wrote a #unicornstore fan poem last week that I wanted to share with you guys!

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a film about Kit, an art school dropout, who learns to love and be loved through a weird, fantastical experience.
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#fanart #fanpoetry #brielarson #netflixmovies

My #napowrimo Day 30 poem is about the #comingout

My #napowrimo Day 30 poem is about the #comingout process, but I wanted to take the time to reflect on the process of writing a poem a day for the last month.
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I’m really proud of myself. It’s by no means easy to produce a new creative work (however short) every single day for a month. There were days when I really didn’t want to, (and a few days where I stayed up way past my bedtime trying to get any words on the page I could, even if they were bad), but I completed the process. This project has been extremely vulnerable, because every day, I’m basically posting a very cryptic diary entry for all the internet to see. It’s also forced me to engage with my feelings and think about the bigger picture every single day, because a poem without feelings or without deep reflection is not really worth reading. My energy is finite, and this has definitely taken up more of it than I expected this month. I’m also looking forward to not writing a poem tomorrow. Nevertheless, this project has been extremely rewarding, and I’m so thankful that I had the opportunity to do it.
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #faithfullylgbt

Most of my #napowrimo2019 poems have been directly

Most of my #napowrimo2019 poems have been directly related to my day, but #napowrimo Day 29 is what I would tell someone who is struggling. It’s what I wish I could tell my younger self, and in some ways, what I wish I could make my present self actually live out. I keep trying to tell myself that my body’s need for rest is good. Having limits is good.
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#nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 28. “Doubting Thomas” Sunday. “Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.” -Frederick Buechner
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 27. Coming out is a hard process. S

#napowrimo Day 27. Coming out is a hard process. Some days, it kind of feels like being lifted up by your heels, turned upside down, and shaken until the coins fall out of your pocket. It’s an unbelievable amount of change all at once. There’s a lot of things you have to say goodbye to and lose, but at the same time, it’s a visceral release in your chest, as if you can breathe deeply for the first time. Through this process, there’s so much that I’ve given up, and so much that I’ve gained. .
Tonight, I picked up my guitar and played some old songs that I wrote when I was still in the closet, still lying to myself about my sexual orientation. Back then, I was less cynical, but I was also contorting myself as if fitting in all the right boxes was a game of Twister. Giving up the cognitive dissonance means giving up some of the boxes I tried to fit in, and at this point in time, that means there are some songs I can’t sing because they hurt too much. But also, new songs are spilling out of me. So I live in the tension of grief and joy.
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #faithfullylgbt

My #napowrimo Day 26 poem is largely inspired by m

My #napowrimo Day 26 poem is largely inspired by my binge-listening to @thekevingarcia’s podcast, A Tiny Revolution. There’s something Kevin says constantly, “none of us are free until we’re all free.” And it’s not that I didn’t believe that before I heard Kevin say it, or even that I’d never heard that exact statement before, but every time Kevin says it, it carries such a deep weight. Intersectionality matters because we are all bound up together, and even the most privileged among us are only truly free when the most marginalized can live without hindrances.
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #intersectionality #faithfullylgbt

#napowrimo Day 25. Today, I had some lovely conver

#napowrimo Day 25. Today, I had some lovely conversations with several Twitter Episcopalians™. I commented on a discussion about ministry discernment, and wound up having several people share their stories of how they discerned their callings. One of them asked me to share a bit about my story of calling, and (this will surprise no one who knows me) I accidentally wrote her a novel 😳. Articulating all of it—including some doubts I hadn’t voiced before—really makes everything feel so much clearer. And when I voiced my doubts, they rang so much hollower than the story that has led me here. This is vulnerable to post on the internet, because I don’t have a 100%, “this is where I’m going” elevator pitch—not even close. Calling has as much to do with the community as the individual, and I haven’t begun the long process of working out my call in community. But I have a sense of peace and a sense of direction that I haven’t had before.

#napowrimo Day 24. I cleaned my apartment today. W

#napowrimo Day 24. I cleaned my apartment today. Whenever it becomes messy, I start to feel disembodied, as if the clutter is somehow driving me out of feeling at home in my body. Then when I clean up, I feel the embodiment seep back into me and run straight to my fingers.
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But of course, this poem is also about more than just cleaning my apartment.
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

There’s a concept in LGBTQ+ circles called Secon

There’s a concept in LGBTQ+ circles called Second Adolescence, which is basically the idea that when you come out, it’s like being 13 again: you have no idea how to date, you’re suddenly struck by these huge crushes that come out of nowhere, and way too much brain space is constantly dedicated to figuring out who you are. Today, I figured out what it really means to have a celebrity crush 😳. I’m a little embarrassed about it, but I wrote my #napowrimo Day 23 poem about it.
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#faithfullylgbt #napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 22 . . . . #napowrimo2019 #thepoets

#napowrimo Day 22
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#napowrimo2019 #thepoetspost #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

My poem for #napowrimo Day 21 is inspired by the E

My poem for #napowrimo Day 21 is inspired by the Easter Vigil service in the Episcopal Church. We start outside the church with a fire, we light the Christ candle with the fire, and we proceed inside, where we each hold a candle as we sit in the darkened chapel chanting Psalms and listening to Old Testament readings. Then, as we say, “Alleluia! Christ is risen!” “Christ is risen, indeed! Alleluia! All the lights come on, we blow out our candles, bells ring, and we cheer. .
But to be honest, I could have lingered in the dark a little longer. I resonate with the space of quiet, darkness, and stillness, holding on to a little candle that represents hope.
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#napowrimo2019 #thepoetspost #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

Holy Saturday #napowrimo Day 20 . . . . #napowrimo

Holy Saturday #napowrimo Day 20
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#napowrimo2019 #thepoetspost #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

@rachelheldevans, patron saint of doubters, we lif

@rachelheldevans, patron saint of doubters, we lift you up tonight that you may be healed. Lord, have mercy. (#napowrimo Day 19) #prayforRHE
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#napowrimo2019 #thepoetspost #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#Napowrimo Day 18. . Maundy Thursday is perhaps on

#Napowrimo Day 18. .
Maundy Thursday is perhaps one of my favorite services of the year. I love the awkward intimacy of foot-washing, the tangible reverence for the Eucharist, the stripping of the altar, and most of all, “Were You There” in an unlit chapel, as even the organ slowly fades out, nothing is left but our voices in song, and then nothing.
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Once upon a time, I used to often feel a tangible presence as if God we’re walking with me. Tonight, a tangible presence returned.
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #spiritualpoetry

Today, my therapist gave me homework of researchin

Today, my therapist gave me homework of researching an organization that promotes “dialogue” between “LGBTQ Christians and non-affirming pastors” (don’t even get me started on how problematic it is to set up a power dynamic where the non-affirming people are always the ones in leadership), but the problem with “dialogue” of this kind is that it puts the impetus on the vulnerable people to sit with people who do not support them and share their deepest pains, while all it asks of the people in power is to “listen respectfully and don’t be a dick.” I’m tired of these types of false equivalencies, so I decided to write my #napowrimo Day 17 poem about it.
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#thepoetspost #napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 16 . . . . #thepoetspost #napowrimo

#napowrimo Day 16
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#thepoetspost #napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

Today was truly awful. The #notredame fire made it

Today was truly awful. The #notredame fire made it feel like my parents’ house was burning down all over again, and my heart was racing, and several times throughout the day, I felt like I was going to pass out from the stress.
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To make matters worse, birthdays provide just enough pressure to expose all the internal and external tension in your world.
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My 23rd year had a rough first day (with the glorious exception of @brandiescot having me over for ice cream at the end of the night), and it’s been a tumultuous, difficult, growing-and-growing-pains kind of year, so it’s only fitting that it would go out like this.
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Oh, that tomorrow would be better.
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#napowrimo Day 15
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 14 . . . . #napowrimo2019 #national

#napowrimo Day 14
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram

As soon as I graduated from college, the confusion

As soon as I graduated from college, the confusion set in. Once you get out of school, there’s no clear path to success, and there is no “adulting” equivalent to a spreadsheet of courses to make sure you can take all the essential courses before graduation. In fact, there is no graduation. It’s often hard to feel like I’m accomplishing anything, but I have to trust that everything is bound up together. Like a bunch of necklace chains that get stuck in a ball when tangled, I can’t find my future without first untangling the present.
#napowrimo Day 13
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#napowrimo2019 #amwriting #thepoetspost #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#napowrimo Day 12. Today’s poem is a kind of raw

#napowrimo Day 12. Today’s poem is a kind of raw, but it’s where I am. There have been a few, more difficult private moments in the coming-out process, and then tonight I made the mistake of reading How We Sleep at Night by Sara Cunningham, which is a ton of a mother processing her grief over having a gay child, and while she pays occasional lip-service to how her son must feel, and it was an emotionally exhausting experience. This book should definitely come with a trigger warning.

I got the book because my therapist said it’s helpful for pastors and parents of LGBTQ+ people, but I wouldn’t recommend any LGBTQ+ person read it unless they’re ready to re-live the pain of other people’s reacting badly to you and centralizing their feelings. .
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#napowrimo2019 #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #faithfullylgbt #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

Update: One of my Twitter friends met her, and she says that she’s grown a lot since then, but she sees the value in sharing where she was! I’m relieved, but I wish I’d known that before I read the book.

#napowrimo Day 11 . . . . . #napowrimo2019 #nation

#napowrimo Day 11
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#napowrimo2019 #nationalpoetrymonth #amwriting #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

I’m late again, but here’s #napowrimo Day 10.

I’m late again, but here’s #napowrimo Day 10.
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#nationalpoetrymonth #amwriting #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost #napowrimo2019 #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram

In all the chaos, I forgot to write a poem before

In all the chaos, I forgot to write a poem before midnight. Oh well. I needed the self-care of reading David Sedaris in the bath. Here’s #napowrimo Day 9.
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#writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #thepoetspost #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #napowrimo2019 #30poemsin30days #faithfullylgbt

Well friends, I’m finally ready, and I’m comin

Well friends, I’m finally ready, and I’m coming out of the closet. I’m gay, I’m proud, and I’m #faithfullylgbt 🏳️‍🌈
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I just published a blog post with the full story [link in bio].
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And thank you to @queerlybelovedtees For the fantastic t-shirt to help tell the story!

#napowrimo Day 8 . . . . . #writersofinstagram #na

#napowrimo Day 8
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#writersofinstagram #napowrimo2019 #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

#napowrimo Day 7 . . . . #writersofinstagram #poet

#napowrimo Day 7
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#writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #napowrimo2019 #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

This is not my finest #napowrimo2019 poem, but it’s been a long week, so I’d rather just publish something and go to bed.
Here’s #napowrimo Day 6
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#writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

#napowrimo Day 5 . . . . . #napowrimo2019 #writers

#napowrimo Day 5
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#napowrimo2019 #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

One of the toughest things about doing #napowrimo

One of the toughest things about doing #napowrimo is having time to write. Today, I didn’t have time, so I wrote my poem in the last 5 minutes before midnight, and I ran over by about 2 minutes (shh, I won’t tell if you won’t). But before this week, I never would have tried to write a poem in 7 minutes. For me, poetry has always been about endlessly agonizing over each word to ensure that every last letter conveys exactly what I mean. This process of just getting ~something~ published every day is getting me out of my head, forcing me to trust my instincts, and teaching me to think on my feet.
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#napowrimo2019 #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

#napowrimo Day 3 . . . . . #napowrimo2019 #poetsof

#napowrimo Day 3
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#napowrimo2019 #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #poetry #amwriting #nationalpoetrymonth #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

#napowrimo Day 2 . . . . . . #writersofinstagram #

#napowrimo Day 2
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#writersofinstagram #poetry #nationalpoetrymonth #napowrimo2019 #poetsofinstagram #amwriting #30poemsin30days #thepoetspost

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